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My poker career in pictures

As a side effect of planning forward for my next trip to Las Vegas, I’ve actually found myself staring at a summary of my entire live poker career so far.

As I’d decided to start using the iPhone app Poker Journal to record all my sessions from now on, it made sense to try to import all my old data into the same application before I got started.

That way I’d already have some lovely graphs to look at.

Although it’s not a documented feature of Poker Journal, it’s possible to use the backup and restore facility to import data from another source.  In my case, I had a master spreadsheet that I’d built up over the past few years from all the mobile phone spreadsheets I’d been keeping on my travels.

To be honest, that spreadsheet didn’t do much.  I’d set it to calculate a total profit/loss and done some (frankly) bodgetastic jiggery-pokery to give totals per trip and to add up limit hold’em and no-limit hold’em profit and loss separately.  With a bit of effort I managed to get a graph out of it once.

I’d been in contact with the developer, Michael Golden, who had already drafted a document that explained the data format he used and because my spreadsheet was so simple it wasn’t too much of a problem to convert it.  If anyone is in a similar situation, the script I wrote to process my own data might be of some use to you.  Leave me a message.

So, what does this wonderful little app do?  Let’s start with what matters – a graph, of course!

cashsessionchart

This is my cash game history for every session I’ve played in Las Vegas since 2006.  I was a relative latecomer to The Cash.  Thinking back, I probably I played a couple of sessions of $2/$4 in the summer of 2005 (my first month-long Vegas expedition, pre-blog) but not enough to make a difference.

I definitely didn’t touch no-limit hold’em until Summer 2006, and even then it was only briefly, scared away after the first attempt by the nine rocks I found myself surrounded by at Sunset Station.  In retrospect, this was horrible game selection (based only upon which casino was close to where I was staying at the time) which probably set me back more than I realised.

You’ll see from the graph that after the minimal variance of $2/$4 limit hold’em, it took me a little while to find my feet with no-limit, and I had a 6 buy-in downswing (I almost always buy in for $200) before the climb back started.

Poker Journal does a bit more than draw pretty graphs too.  There’s plenty of fascinating statistics.  The ones below are filtered just for no-limit hold’em:

cashoverviewnl

Hardly an hourly rate I can “go pro” with, but it’s in the black at least.

If I switch to “glass half full mode” the 71-60 winning record isn’t awful – and in reality, winning more sessions than you lose isn’t even important.  What matters is winning more actual money the times you win than you lose the times you get sucked out on by some idiot douchebag who loves playing queen-three.

Not a bad beat story,  I just made up a garbage hand at random.  I promise.

With that 11 game differential, I managed to turn a profit of just over 8 buy-ins, which is a fairly reassuring way to look at it.

If only I could have “average luck”, surely that number would go up, right? …

But is 284 hours enough to draw any reliable conclusions from?  No, not really.

My career graph currently ends on a bit of a downer – which reflects how my poker results went towards the end of the summer trip.  Suddenly, I just stopped being able to win pots.

Whether I ran particularly badly or if it’s just variance, who knows.  Maybe I am a $6/hr player (or worse) and it was about time for this to happen.  I knew everything had turned to shit at the time and there wasn’t much I could do except to keep turning up and hope to catch a break before I had to catch a plane.  I never did.

Boy am I ready for a re-match.  Three days to go… 🙂

Room comp fail

Claire got this complimentary room offer in an email from The Orleans today.

Basically: “Come and stay with us for the New Year’s Eve Fireworks.  Offer excludes New Year’s Eve.”

orleansnye2

Oh I wish it could be Christmas dinner every day

Last year, I compiled a list of Christmas Day menus for Las Vegas casinos.

Over the past week, I’ve noticed quite a few hits coming in from people looking for exactly this – and presumably leaving disappointed after finding the 2008 menus.

So below are all the ones I’ve found so far for Christmas Day 2009.  There’s still quite a lot missing though, but I’ll update it as I find more information.

Notably, none of the Harrah’s properties have been updated with their Christmas offerings at the time of writing, with the exception of Guy Savoy and Mon Ami Gabi (which had details on its own web site).  Most of the MGM Mirage properties still have Thanksgiving info showing.  Although Excalibur says it has the same menus for Christmas Day and Thanksgiving Day, I’m not sure the others are relevant.

If you did happen to stumble here looking for festive Vegas food, why not subscribe to my RSS feed to get my next delicious trip report, beginning on December 20th, and see which of these I end up going for!

Casino web sites:

Unofficial links:

Last updated: Dec 17th 13:50 GMT

Happy anniversary Mr Terrible

It’s never a good sign when a casino makes a big deal out of celebrating a random anniversary.

Stardust was very keen to publicise the property’s 45th year as a landmark.  Even though nothing had been finalised at the time, it was inevitable that it would be pulled down before it got to the half century.

Today is apparently the ninth anniversary of Terrible’s Las Vegas casino.  I had this mailer to tell me about the free cake.

THC03999-9th-anniv-email

I don’t remember hearing about anything like this for the 8th or 7th… before they filed for bankruptcy protection earlier this year.

It doesn’t inspire much confidence that the casino that gives me all the fuel I can guzzle and has possibly the best mascot ever will be around to make it to a decade.

El Cortez has world's smallest promotions girl

Picture doesn’t lie.

December Gift Cards at El Cortez

Money***kers

(If they correctly guess the letters that have been starred out, it’s quite likely the title of this post will attract the attention of the Neteller staff that are following my Twitter feed. If it does, how about finally answering my questions please?)

There’s a difference between a wannabe bank not being able to do bankish things, not being able to add up correctly or having generally useless support staff, and one that makes you feel like a crook while you’re the one getting robbed.

Neteller frequently winds me up because they give two or more different answers to the same question and won’t let me get at my US Dollars without transferring them via at least two other currencies first.  Or they act all concerned for a moment but then never get back to you when you ask serious questions. Yet somehow I’ve never really been that worried about leaving significant sums of money in their hands.

However, when I attempted to withdraw some money from Moneybookers to a US bank account recently, they decided to treat me like a criminal, froze my account and now won’t give me any information – or my money.

It’s definitely worth pointing out that their withdrawal page actually suggests withdrawing to a US bank account as an option.  I wasn’t trying to subvert the system, for once.

Here’s another important point: while Moneybookers is a popular online payment method for gamblers, I’ve never actually used my account for gambling.  I’ve used it to receive payments for a business service which, in one case, just happened to be from someone whose email address has the word “poker” in it.

That probably means I’m a terrorist.

After my first attempt to withdraw, this is what they said:

Please be kindly informed that according to our Terms and Conditions with which you agreed upon registration of your Moneybookers account  we are strictly forbidden to allow gaming funds to be withdrawn to US bank accounts as such payments are restricted due to the legislation in the USA.

Please be kindly informed that according to our Terms and Conditions with which you agreed upon registration of your Moneybookers account  we are strictly forbidden to allow gaming funds to be withdrawn to US bank accounts as such payments are restricted due to the legislation in the USA.

The email refers me to sections 6.6 and 7.5 of the T&Cs.  The first section has nothing to do with this and the second one doesn’t even exist.

It does say the terms were updated on November 6th and I can’t find an older copy, so this is very worrying.  Although the (current) terms say that they’ll give you two months notice by email of any changes, it doesn’t look like they even tell their support staff when they decide to change the rules.

This time, I don’t think it particularly matters that they’ve pulled a switcheroo on me and I don’t have a printed copy to back up what I thought I’d agreed to – because even under the current terms, I’ve done nothing wrong.

However, if you use Moneybookers you might like to review the T&Cs – and then ask them why nobody told you they had changed.

I duly replied to tell them that this was not illicit gambling money – assuming that having received several months of payments for the same amount on the same date it would be quite obvious I was telling the truth.  They asked to see some photo ID and a copy of a recent bill – pretty standard stuff, which I did – but then:

In order to be able to complete the account verification procedure we would kindly ask you to provide us with some more information about the purpose of receiving payments via our services.

Would you please provide us the URL of your website and a brief description of the services you offer.

Well, frankly, what the fuck business is it of theirs?

I sent them a link and simply said “web hosting” after typing and deleting something to the effect of the line above.  The equivalent of muttering under your breath in an email.

I thought that when they replied to say:

We are writing to inform you that your account has been successfully verified.

that that was that.  They did point me towards section 11.2 of the T&Cs, which does exist this time but stipulates a restriction on residents of the USA from receiving gambling funds.  This couldn’t be more irrelevant, so I tried again to get my US Dollars out – after all, why would they still offer me a US bank withdrawal option if it wasn’t actually possible after I’d jumped through these hoops?

And then this:

We are writing to inform you that your account is under audit.  Once the audit has been completed we will be in contact.

Here’s where it starts to get stupid.  I said:

What does this mean?  I thought I’d just been through your verification process

And they replied.

Please be kindly informed that your your account is under audit.  As soon as the audit has been completed we will contact you.

It’s only because they changed the wording slightly in the second reply that I knew it was a real person fucking with me, not just a stupid autoresponder.  I tried again:

This is identical to the last message I received.  Can you please let me know what this means?  I have literally 3 transactions to audit.

And the last thing I had from them by email was:

We transferred your case to our security department and they should be getting back to you in the next 48 hours with more information about your account.

Two weeks, and three phone calls later, my money is still locked up in Moneybookers’ private jail, and I have no visitation rights.

This morning, all I could get out of them was that they’d make a note on my account and pass it to the security department as a matter of urgency.  I would hear back from them probably today, or at the latest tomorrow.

That’s exactly what they told me last time, but today I was told there was no such note on my account from any previous call.

I don’t really know what to think.  This should not be hard.

If you don’t allow withdrawals to the US, don’t offer it as an option.  If you still have cold feet about letting me withdraw to the US after telling you what you needed to know, then just say so and I’ll withdraw to the UK.  If you absolutely have to audit my account, go ahead.  It should take about thirty seconds.

But don’t be stealing my money with no good reason.

Because if you do, I’ll write about it on the internet and expose your shenanigans to, on a good day, dozens of people.

T-21

The cards went up today as it’s just 21 days until I go back to Las Vegas.

In fact I’ve been counting the days for much longer than that thanks to the “T-Minus” iPhone app I wrote.  It’s hard to call a countdown timer revolutionary, but it’s actually the first one that works this way: by updating the number of days as a badge number on the icon so you never need to start up the app again.

And because it’s one I wrote myself, I can change the icon whenever I damn well like – which is exactly what I did.

T-Vegas for iPhone and iPod Touch

The copy on my iPhone has looked this way for a while, but since the new version – “T-Vegas” – hit the App Store last week anyone can join in the fun too.  Download it here.

I also now know which hotels I’ll be staying in 21 days from now.

We actually cancelled two existing (comped) bookings at Harrah’s Las Vegas and Imperial Palace which we didn’t need any more after taking advantage of a few offers that had come in the mail that were too good to refuse.

It hurts to throw away ten nights on the Strip just like that.  Sure, I could have kept the bookings and tried to steal the soap, but needing to be in the right place at the right time to check in and out of unnecessarily looked like it was going to be too much of a strain on a schedule where we still have 15 nights booked for a 10 night trip.

Here’s how the itinerary looks:

Day 1: Arrive, check in to Four Queens.  3 nights complimentary room and food for the duration, including one meal in Hugo’s Cellar. Free room service before crashing out will go down a treat.

Day 2: Check in to Suncoast.  I don’t like the Suncoast. I don’t want to spend any more time there than I have to, but Claire’s offer for 2 free nights included $200 in slot play which makes it worth putting up with.  I wonder if the players will look even more suicidal at Christmas time.

Day 3: No hotel shenanigans, but as the free play is split over two days we’ll have to go back to the Suncoast to take advantage of that.

Day 4: Check out of Four Queens, head back to Suncoast to check out and say thanks for the free money and get on the road to Laughlin.  Harrah’s Laughlin gave me a four night comp with $99 in cash for turning up.  We’ll actually use one of those hotel nights, and take advantage of a “Diamond in a Day” promotion that means I can keep my shiny players card until March 31st 2011 (thanks to the legendary Jean Scott for pointing this out).

Day 5: Leave “do not disturb” sign on door at Harrah’s Laughlin and head back to Vegas and check in at Sam’s Town, where we were both offered 3 nights comp but Claire’s offer came with $60 of food credit whereas mine was only $25.

Days 6/7: We can actually stay still for a while.  Includes trying to find a way to enjoy a free Christmas dinner and then download Top of the Pops and Doctor Who.

Day 8: Check out of Sam’s Town and into the Rio.  No extra freebies here, just a free suite for 3 nights.  But to be honest I can’t believe I’m still getting any room comps here.

And then that’s it.  We can finally relax!

On the shelves, in the pub

My tiny video poker book is actually on the shelves of a book store.

It’s only one book store, but if I had to pick just one place to sell it, this would be it: The Gamblers Book Shop in Las Vegas.

It’s round about now that I’m starting to wish I’d bothered designing a cover for it.  But still, it’s there and I’m even told that the staff have even been briefed on how to read the strategy charts so they can demonstrate its awesome power to customers in the store.

Strongly considering an incognito visit when I’m back in Vegas in December :-)

If you happen to be heading that way yourself, the new GBS location is about 300 yards from the Crown and Anchor so you can buy my book and then head over to the pub, stick $20 in a video poker machine and play perfect strategy while you get a totally free lunch (currently #7 on the Las Vegas Advisor top ten) and a pint of Old Speckled Hen.

How can you go wrong with that?  Seriously?

Update: Also on Amazon now: http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Video-Poker-Pocket-Book/dp/0557120454

Don't mention the gambling

A couple of years ago I remember stumbling on a Children’s BBC program where Fearne Cotton and Reggie Yates managed to drive around Las Vegas for half an hour without ever once mentioning the word “casino”.

I know it was for kids and some people feel we have to protect their young minds from the evils of Sin City.  I do sort of get it.

I could understand them not ordering up some hot girls direct to their room or trying to find the best daiquiri that comes in a glass shaped like dice.  But watching a documentary about Vegas without them even mentioning gambling – not even once – was a very odd thing.

It was with a similar sense of wtf-ness that I just watched this commercial for Aria, which opens on the Strip next month.

It’s an advert for a casino and we have to assume it’s aimed at grown ups.  But if it didn’t have the c-word in small print at the very end, how would you ever know they had gambling there?

In fact it tells me what?  That it’s a funny shape, and I can go sailing in the middle of a faux-urban development in the desert?  At least half of that’s true…

Neteller:

Finally, a response from Neteller about the questions I posed in the comments on this post a couple of weeks ago.

I’ll try to speak to them next week, but first I wanted to share my email reader’s insight on the matter:

Doesn’t really do them any favours, does it?